Top 100 Blonde Jokes (Some NSFW)

100 Blonde Jokes

1. Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn’t want one for nights.

2. Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.

3. Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A: She was last years hide and seek winner.

4. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

5. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

6. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

7. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

8. Q: What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?
A: A dumb terminal.

9. Q: Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A: So brunettes can understand them.

10. Q: How did the blond burn her ear?
A: The phone rang while she was ironing.

11. Q: How does a blonde make instant pudding?
A: She places the box in the microwave and looks for the “instant pudding setting” button.

12. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that went to the library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”?
A: When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.

13. Q: What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A: A case of empties.

14. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.

15. Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

16. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

17. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.

18. Q: Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

19. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”

20. Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

21. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.

22. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

23. Q:: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

24. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

25. Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.

26. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

27. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

28. Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

29. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

30. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.

31. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn’t know what number came first.

32. Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

33. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Tw:o. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!”

34. Q: How do you get rid of blondes?
A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun and tell them they are a firing squad.

35. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

36. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10: bill. Who picks it up?
A: None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

37. Q:: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

38. Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

39. Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn’t they get in?
A: The sign said, “Must be 18 to enter”.

40. Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.

41. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

42. Q: What did the blondG do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

43. Q: Did you hear about Pepsi’s new soda just for blondes?
A: It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.

44. Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A: They’re refueling.

Dumb Spice Girls – Blonde Jokes

45. Q: Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

46. Q: Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shirts
A: Tits go in front.

47. Q: Why don’t Spice Girls eat bananas?
A: They can’t find the zipper.

48. Q: What is the best thing about getting a blow job from a Spice Girl?
A: 10 minutes of silence.

49. Q: What do you do if a spice girl hurls a grenade at you?
A: Take out the pin and throw it back

50. Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent Spice Girl and a UFO?
A: Dunno – never seen either!

51. Q: What is the difference between a Spice Girl and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been inside a 747.

52. Q: Why do the Spice Girls smile when there’s lightning?
A: They think they are getting their photo taken.

53. Q: What did the Spice Girls mum say to her daughter’s date?
A: If you’re not in bed by 11, go home.

54. Q: What do you call a spice girl behind a steering wheel?
A: An air-bag.

55. Q: How do you know when a Spice Girl has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

56. Q: What does a Spice Girl and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

57. Q: A blonde and the Spice Girls jumped off the Empire State building. Who landed first?
A: The blonde – the Spice Girls had to stop and ask directions!

58. Q: How many Spice Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw in cars.

59. Q: What do a turtle and a spice girl have in common?
A: Put them on their back and they’re both screwed

Funny Blonde Jokes – Hilarious Blonde Jokes – Best Blonde Jokes

60. Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

61. Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

62. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.

63. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A: They both swallowed a lot of semen.

64. Q: Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.

65. Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?
A: She’ll blow your mind, too.

66. Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

67. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

68. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: They know how many went down on the Titanic.

69. Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.

70. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
A: She wanted a lot of male in her box.

71. Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop

72. Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house.

73. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

74. Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A: A blow job with handlebars

75. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

76. Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.

77. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

78. Q: Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Clean Blonde Jokes – Good Blonde Jokes

79. Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr. Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier…

80. Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

81. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde make ice cubes?
A: She forgot the ingredients.

82. Q: Why was the blonde staring at a carton of juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.

83. Q. How do you keep a blonde at home?
A. Build a circular driveway.

84. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

85. Q: What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

86. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “don’t walk”.

87. Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

88. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

89. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

90. Q: How do you really confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner.

91. Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A brunette who’s been telling one too many blonde jokes.

92. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.

93. Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

94. Q: What did the blonde say when her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
A: “Is it mine?”

95. Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them

96. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!

97. Q: What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
A: the pupil

98. Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!

99. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.

100. Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!

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