Funny Dog Jokes

1. What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?

That hit the spot!

2. What did the dog say to the tree?

Bark.

3. What do you call a dog with a surround system?

A sub-woofer.

4. What did the dog say to the sandpaper?

Ruff!

5. What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

You can step in a poodle.

6. What is a dog’s favorite city?

New Yorkie!

7. What is a dog’s ideal job?

Barkeology!

8. What kind of dog chases anything red?

A bulldog!

9. Why did the poor dog chase his tail?

He was trying to make both ends meet.

10. What do you call a dog in the winter?

A chili dog!

11. What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A bloodhound!

12. What did the skeleton say to the puppy?

Bone Appétit!

13. Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to the barking lot.

14. Why are dogs like phones?

Because they have collar IDs!

15. Why do dogs run in circles?

Because it’s hard to run in squares!

16. What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower!

17. What do you get when you cross a racing dog with a bumblebee?

A greyhound buzz!

18. Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”?

Because “Frost” bites!

19. What dog keeps the best time?

A watch dog!

20. Why is a tree like a big dog?

They both have a lot of bark!

21. What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?

A cockerpoodledoo!

22. What do you get when you cross a frog and a dog?

A croaker spaniel!

23. What do you get when you cross a dog with a phone?

A golden receiver!

24. Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him!

25. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

Because they have two left feet!

26. What did one flea say to the other?

Should we walk or take a dog?

27. Why should you be careful when it rains cats and dogs?

Because you might step in a poodle!

28. Why can’t dogs work the DVD remote?

Because they always hit the paws button!

29. How are a dog and a marine biologist alike?

One wags a tail and the other tags a whale!

30. Why was the dog sweating so much?

She was a hot dog!

31. What did the waiter say to the dog when he brought out her food?

Bone appetit!

32. What do you call a great dog detective?

Sherlock Bones!

33. How do fleas travel from place to place?

By itch-hiking!

34. What’s a dog’s favorite dessert?

Pupcakes!

35. What kinds of stores do dogs love the most?

Re-tail stores!

36. What’s a dog’s favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni pizza!

37. Which dog breed chases anything that’s red?

A bull dog!

38. What did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper?

That’s ruffffffff!!

39. What’s a dog’s favorite instrument?

A trombone!

40. What type of market should you NEVER take your dog?

A flea market!

41. What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A CAT-tastrophy!

42. What do you call a dog that’s been out in the cold?

A pupsicle!

43. What do you do if a dog chews your dictionary?

Take the words right out of his mouth!

44. Which breed of dog is the quietest?

A hush puppy!

45. Which dog breed just LOVES bubble baths?

A shampoodle!

46. What did the dog say to the flea?

Quit bugging me!

47. What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast food?

Pooched eggs!

48. Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?

He kept seeing spots!

49. Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes?

A Chi-ha-ha!

50. What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?

Her pet-degree!

51. What do you get when you cross a dog and a cugar?

Trouble with the postman.

52. What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?

A lot of bites.

53. What kind of dog eats with his ears?

They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.

54. What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?

You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.
What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.

55. What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?

Anything you like, just very quietly.

56. What is the question a flea often has to ask itself?

Should I walk or take a dog?

57. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?

Invite him to bark in the front seat.

58. What do you get when you cross a Doberman and a hyena?

No idea, but if it laughs, I join in.

59. When is a mom flea happy?

When her whole family has gone to the dogs.

60. What creature has four legs and one hand?

A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

61. What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?

A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.

62. Why did the dog lie down?

He found lying up a little hard.

63. Dogs are the best alarm clocks.

When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.

64. What looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and is very dangerous?

A dog with a machete.

65. Why do dogs like conjunctions?

They just love buts.

66. Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?

Cats can’t drive!

67. How did the little Scottish dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster?

He was Terrier-fied!

68. Why was the dog stealing shingles?

He wanted to become a woofer!

69. What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter, he still won’t come when you call.

70. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

He stole the show!

71. What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?

The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.

72. What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?

Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.

73. Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?

Because it frightens the dog!

74. Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”?

Because he bites!

75. Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

Because you can’t bury them in trees!

76. How are a dog and a marine biologist alike?

One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

77. What do you call a cold dog?

A Chilli Dog.

78. What do you call a black Eskimo dog?

A dusky husky!

79. What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?

The collie wobbles!

80. Did you hear about the dog who couldn’t stop talking like a horse?

It was a dog and pony show.

81. What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A friend you can count on.

82. Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart?

He was CON-fused!

83. What do you call a large dog that meditates?

Aware wolf.

84. What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?

Dingo Starr!

85. What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?

A golden receiver!

86. Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to the “barking” lot!

87. What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?

They get their masters.

88. What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

89. What breed of dog tells off-color jokes?

A smutt.

90. What do dogs eat for breakfast?

Pooched eggs!

91. Why was the dog such a good storyteller?

He knew how to paws for dramatic effect.

92. Did you hear about the dog who had puppies on the side of the road?

She was ticketed for littering.

93. What kind of dog loves to take bubble baths?

A shampoodle.

94. Why did the dog walk into the bar?

He was looking for the man who shot his paw.

95. What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit?

A chili dog on a bun.

96. How does a dog stop a TV show?

He presses paws.

97. What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?

A petticoat.

98. What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?

Well, doggone!

99. What kind of dog can jump as high as a tall building?

Any kind. A building can’t jump!

100. How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard?

Put him in your backyard!

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