Big List of Corny Jokes

120 Corny Jokes

1. Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

A: Where’s pop corn?

2. Q: What did one toilet say to another?

A: You look flushed!

3. Q: How do you make an egg-roll?

A: You push it!

4. Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

A: The lettuce was a-head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

5. Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?

A: A cat-astrophe!

6. Q: What do you call a mermaid on a roof?

A: Aerial.

7. Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

8. Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?

A: Because he was on a roll.

9. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

A: Because he was framed!

10. Q: Have you heard the cookie joke?

A: Nah, but I wouldn’t like it. I’m sure it’s pretty crumby.

11. Q: What disease do you get when you decorate for Christmas?

A: Tinselitus!

12. Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?

A: The space bar!

13. Q: What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the fridge door?

A: Close the door – I’m dressing!

14. Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

A: Too many cheetahs!

15. Q: Why was the sand wet?

A: The sea weed.

16. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

17. Q: Why couldn’t the bike stand by itself?

A: It was two-tired.

18. Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

A: Tentickles.

19. Q: Why is the sky so unhappy?

A: It has the blues!

20. Q: Why did the poor man sell yeast?

A: Because he was trying to raise some dough!

21. Q: Why didn’t the toiled paper cross the road?

A: Because it got stuck in a crack.

22. Q: Have you seen the movie Constipation?

A: No, it hasn’t come out yet.

23. Q: What do you call bees who produce milk?

A: Boo-bees.

24. Q: What do you call a T-Rex that’s been beaten up?

A: Dino-sore.

25. Q: Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

A: For drizzle.

26. Q: Why did Johnny throw a clock out the window?

A: Because he wanted to see time fly.

27. Q: Why did the smart phone need glasses?

A: It lost its contacts.

28. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?

A: An in-vest-igator.

29. Q: What did one eye say to the other eye?

A: Something smells between us.

30. Q: What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

A: Give me my quarter back!

31. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?

A: Lawsuits!

32. Q: Why can’t ghosts have babies?

A: Because they have a Halloweenie!

33. Q: Why should you feel sorry for shopping carts?

A: Because they always get pushed around.

34. Q: Why aren’t teddybears hungry?

A: Because they’re stuffed!

35. Q: What did the tree say to the wind?

A: Leaf me alone!

36. Q: How does a squid go into battle?

A: Well armed!

37. Q: What do you call a magic owl?

A: Hoodini!

38. Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A: Follow the Fresh Prince!

39. Q: What does a horse saw when it’s fallen?

A: Help, I can’t giddy up!

40. Q: How do billboards talk?

A: Sign language!

40. Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?

A: Mexi-cans!

41. Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?

A: He drank his coffee before it was cool!

42. Q: How do asteroids get so big?

A: They take A-Steriod!

43. Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

A: Reality!

44. Q: What did one pair of jeans say to another pair?

A: That’s jeanius!

45. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?

A: Because he was out-standing in his field!

46. Q: How do snails fight?

A: They slug it out!

47. Q: What would bears be without bees?

A: Ears.

48. Q: Where does Friday come before Thursday?

A: In the dictionary!

49. Q: Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in the trees?

A: Because they’re really good at it!

50. Q: Why did the fish get bad grades?

A: Because it was below sea level!

51. Q: How do crazy people walk through the forest?

A: They take the psycho path!

52. Q: What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?

A: Oh, snap!

53. Q: How many lips does a tulip have?

A: Two-lips.

54. Q: What did one hat say to the other when they met on a person’s head?

A: You stay here, I’ll move a head!

55. Q: Did you hear about the nun who quit?

A: She kicked her habit!

56. Q: What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?

A: You’re too young to smoke!

57. Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?

A: A soccer match.

58. Q: What’s Dr. Jekyll when he’s himself?

A: De-hyde-rated!

59. Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

A: Because it’s pointless!

60. Q: What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A: Attire!

61. Q: Why are movie stars so cool?

A: Because they have a lot of fans!

62. Q: What do you call cheer that isn’t yours?

A: Nacho cheese!

63. Q: When is a door not a door?

A: When it’s a jar!

64. Q: What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand?

A: Quattro sinko!

65. Q: The hot dog and the banana had a race. Who won?

A: The wiener!

66. Q: Why are televisions attracted to people?

A: Because they turn them on.

67. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A: A nervous wreck!

68. Q: Why did the fish get bad grades?

A: Because it was below sea level!

69. Q: What does a nut say when it sneezes?

A: Cashews!

70. Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife sleep?

A: Because his coffin!

71. Q: What do you call pretty ghosts?

A: Bootiful.

70. Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?

A: Sue!

71. Q: Why did the barber win the race?

A: Because he took a short cut!

72. Q: What do you call a pile of cats?

A: A meowntain.

73. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?

A: A bull-dozer!

74. Q: What do you call a singing laptop?

A: A Dell.

75. Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?

A: A trum-pet!

76. Q: What do you call an anxious dinosaur?

A: Nervous Rex!

77. Q: What’s the best day to go to the beach?

A: Sunday.

78. Q: Where do beef burgers go to dance?

A: The meatball!

79. Q: Why was a guy looking for food on his friend?

A: Because his friend said dinner’s on me!

80. Q: What do you call clumsy grapes?

A: Unconcordinated!

81. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?

A: Never mind, it’s over your head!

82. Q: What’s orange and sounds like parrot?

A: A carrot.

83. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

A: Because he had no-body to go with.

84. Q: What’s a bear with no teeth called?

A: A gummy bear.

85. Q: Why did the tomato turn red?

A: It saw the salad dressing.

86. Q: What’s the moon’s favorite gum?

A: Orbit.

87. Q: Why did the robber take a bath?

A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

88. Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?

A: Wrap music.

89. Q: What did the judge say to the dentist before having his tooth pulled?

A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

90. Q: How do you impress a female baker?

A: You bring her flours.

91. Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

A: He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.

91. Q: When is a car no longer a car?

A: When it turns into a street.

92. Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?

A: A mer-maid.

93. Q: What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?

A: Swimming trunks.

94. Q: How do you flatten a ghost?

A: Use a spirit level.

95. Q: What’s heavy forward but not backward?

A: A ton.

96. Q: Where did the cow take his date?

A: To the mooooovies.

97. Q: What stays in a corner, but travels the world?

A: A stamp!

98. Q: Why do cows wear bells?

A: Because their horns don’t work.

99. Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?

A: A heavy discussion.

100. Q: What did they do with the cow that learned the whole bible?

A: Put it out to pastor.

101. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?

A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

102. Q: What shoes does an artist wear?

A: Sketchers.

103. Q: What do you call a man that irons clothes?

A: Iron Man.

104. Q: Who married the hamburger?

A: Patty did.

105. Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay.

A: A deviled egg!

106. Q: How do you make a Swiss roll?

A: Push him down a mountain.

107. Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?

A: A turkey.

108. Q: Why are frogs so happy?

A: They eat whatever bugs them.

109. Q: What do you call a show made out of a banana?

A: A slipper.

110. Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?

A: When you’re eating a watermelon.

111. Q: Why do French people eat snails?

A: Because they don’t like fast food.

112. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A: Because he wanted cold hard cash.

113. Q: Why is corn such a good listener?

A: Because it’s all ears.

114. Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?

A: Firecrackers.

115. Q: What do you call an unpredictable camera?

A: A loose Canon.

116. Q: What crime did the tree commit?

A: Treeson.

117. Q: Why do bananas wear sunscreen?

A: To stop them from peeling.

118. Q: What do you call a young locomotive?

A: A trainee.

119. Q: Why do guys play baseball?

A: To get to first base.

120. Q: What does the former soap addict say?

A: I’m clean.

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