1. Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: Where’s pop corn?
2. Q: What did one toilet say to another?
A: You look flushed!
3. Q: How do you make an egg-roll?
A: You push it!
4. Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a-head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
5. Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A: A cat-astrophe!
6. Q: What do you call a mermaid on a roof?
7. Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
8. Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.
9. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because he was framed!
10. Q: Have you heard the cookie joke?
A: Nah, but I wouldn’t like it. I’m sure it’s pretty crumby.
11. Q: What disease do you get when you decorate for Christmas?
12. Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
A: The space bar!
13. Q: What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the fridge door?
A: Close the door – I’m dressing!
14. Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs!
15. Q: Why was the sand wet?
A: The sea weed.
16. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
17. Q: Why couldn’t the bike stand by itself?
A: It was two-tired.
18. Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
19. Q: Why is the sky so unhappy?
A: It has the blues!
20. Q: Why did the poor man sell yeast?
A: Because he was trying to raise some dough!
21. Q: Why didn’t the toiled paper cross the road?
A: Because it got stuck in a crack.
22. Q: Have you seen the movie Constipation?
A: No, it hasn’t come out yet.
23. Q: What do you call bees who produce milk?
24. Q: What do you call a T-Rex that’s been beaten up?
25. Q: Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
A: For drizzle.
26. Q: Why did Johnny throw a clock out the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly.
27. Q: Why did the smart phone need glasses?
A: It lost its contacts.
28. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An in-vest-igator.
29. Q: What did one eye say to the other eye?
A: Something smells between us.
30. Q: What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
A: Give me my quarter back!
31. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
32. Q: Why can’t ghosts have babies?
A: Because they have a Halloweenie!
33. Q: Why should you feel sorry for shopping carts?
A: Because they always get pushed around.
34. Q: Why aren’t teddybears hungry?
A: Because they’re stuffed!
35. Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!
36. Q: How does a squid go into battle?
A: Well armed!
37. Q: What do you call a magic owl?
38. Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: Follow the Fresh Prince!
39. Q: What does a horse saw when it’s fallen?
A: Help, I can’t giddy up!
40. Q: How do billboards talk?
A: Sign language!
40. Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?
41. Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He drank his coffee before it was cool!
42. Q: How do asteroids get so big?
A: They take A-Steriod!
43. Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
44. Q: What did one pair of jeans say to another pair?
A: That’s jeanius!
45. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was out-standing in his field!
46. Q: How do snails fight?
A: They slug it out!
47. Q: What would bears be without bees?
48. Q: Where does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary!
49. Q: Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in the trees?
A: Because they’re really good at it!
50. Q: Why did the fish get bad grades?
A: Because it was below sea level!
51. Q: How do crazy people walk through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path!
52. Q: What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
A: Oh, snap!
53. Q: How many lips does a tulip have?
54. Q: What did one hat say to the other when they met on a person’s head?
A: You stay here, I’ll move a head!
55. Q: Did you hear about the nun who quit?
A: She kicked her habit!
56. Q: What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
A: You’re too young to smoke!
57. Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.
58. Q: What’s Dr. Jekyll when he’s himself?
59. Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless!
60. Q: What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
61. Q: Why are movie stars so cool?
A: Because they have a lot of fans!
62. Q: What do you call cheer that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
63. Q: When is a door not a door?
A: When it’s a jar!
64. Q: What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand?
A: Quattro sinko!
65. Q: The hot dog and the banana had a race. Who won?
A: The wiener!
66. Q: Why are televisions attracted to people?
A: Because they turn them on.
67. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck!
68. Q: Why did the fish get bad grades?
A: Because it was below sea level!
69. Q: What does a nut say when it sneezes?
70. Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife sleep?
A: Because his coffin!
71. Q: What do you call pretty ghosts?
70. Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
71. Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short cut!
72. Q: What do you call a pile of cats?
A: A meowntain.
73. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer!
74. Q: What do you call a singing laptop?
A: A Dell.
75. Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!
76. Q: What do you call an anxious dinosaur?
A: Nervous Rex!
77. Q: What’s the best day to go to the beach?
78. Q: Where do beef burgers go to dance?
A: The meatball!
79. Q: Why was a guy looking for food on his friend?
A: Because his friend said dinner’s on me!
80. Q: What do you call clumsy grapes?
81. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it’s over your head!
82. Q: What’s orange and sounds like parrot?
A: A carrot.
83. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.
84. Q: What’s a bear with no teeth called?
A: A gummy bear.
85. Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
86. Q: What’s the moon’s favorite gum?
87. Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
88. Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A: Wrap music.
89. Q: What did the judge say to the dentist before having his tooth pulled?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
90. Q: How do you impress a female baker?
A: You bring her flours.
91. Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
91. Q: When is a car no longer a car?
A: When it turns into a street.
92. Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
A: A mer-maid.
93. Q: What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
94. Q: How do you flatten a ghost?
A: Use a spirit level.
95. Q: What’s heavy forward but not backward?
A: A ton.
96. Q: Where did the cow take his date?
A: To the mooooovies.
97. Q: What stays in a corner, but travels the world?
A: A stamp!
98. Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don’t work.
99. Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion.
100. Q: What did they do with the cow that learned the whole bible?
A: Put it out to pastor.
101. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
102. Q: What shoes does an artist wear?
103. Q: What do you call a man that irons clothes?
A: Iron Man.
104. Q: Who married the hamburger?
A: Patty did.
105. Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay.
A: A deviled egg!
106. Q: How do you make a Swiss roll?
A: Push him down a mountain.
107. Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey.
108. Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them.
109. Q: What do you call a show made out of a banana?
A: A slipper.
110. Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.
111. Q: Why do French people eat snails?
A: Because they don’t like fast food.
112. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: Because he wanted cold hard cash.
113. Q: Why is corn such a good listener?
A: Because it’s all ears.
114. Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
115. Q: What do you call an unpredictable camera?
A: A loose Canon.
116. Q: What crime did the tree commit?
117. Q: Why do bananas wear sunscreen?
A: To stop them from peeling.
118. Q: What do you call a young locomotive?
A: A trainee.
119. Q: Why do guys play baseball?
A: To get to first base.
120. Q: What does the former soap addict say?
A: I’m clean.