1. What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A:It’s nacho cheese.
2. What do you get when you put a candle in a suit of armour?
A: A knight light.
3. Have you heard about corduroy pillows?!
A:They’re making headlines!
4. Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
A: Ba-dum Tish!
5. What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean beef.
6. How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: You ‘neek’ up on it.
7. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: The ‘tame’ way.
8. What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
9. The past, present and future walk into a bar.
A: It was tense.
10. What goes “ha ha thump”?
A: A man laughing his head off.
11. What did the grape say when he was pinched?
A: Nothing, he gave a little wine.
12. What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick!
13. How do you make a tissue dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it.
14. Why did the policeman smell bad?
A:He was on duty.
15. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: FO DRIZZLE!
16. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A: Because it has a silent pee.
17. Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone?
A: He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
18. Why is six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven ate nine.
19. How does Jesus make tea????
A: Hebrews it.
20. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
21. What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor?
A: “Where’s my Tractor?!”
22. Have you heard about the duck that was arrested for dealing?
A: He was selling “quack”.
23. What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall?
24. Where does a sheep go for a haircut?
A: To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
25. What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
26. What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat miner.
27. Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?
A: It was a crappy ordeal
28. Who’s there?” … “Control freak. Okay now you say, ‘Control freak who?”
29. What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
30. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
31. Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
32. What do you do with a dead chemist ….
A: You Barium.
33. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? A: Lipstick!
34. What do you call a sleepwalking nun…
A: A roamin’ Catholic.
35. How do you make holy water?
A: You boil the hell out of it.
36. What did the 0 say to the 8?
A: Nice belt!
37. Why did the orange stop?
A: Because, it ran outta juice.
38. What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
39. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.
40. What’s the last thing that goes thru a bug’s mind as he hits the windshield?
A: His butt.
41. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
42. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
43. Why are pirates so mean?
A: I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
44. Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh!
Hilarious Knock Knock Jokes
45. Knock Knock Who’s there? Tunis! Tunis who?
A: Tunis company, three’s a crowd!
46. Knock Knock Who’s there? Iran! Iran who?
A: Iran over here to tell you this!
47. Knock Knock Who’s there?
A: Opportunity Don’t be silly – opportunity doesn’t knock twice!
48. Knock Knock Who’s there? Daisy Daisy who?
A: Daisy me rollin, they hatin
49. Knock, Knock! Who’s there?
A: A Pile-Up A Pile-Up Who? Ewwwwww
50. Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Doctor Doctor who?
A: That’s a great T.V. show, isn’t it?
51. Knock knock Who’s there Gorilla? Gorilla who?
A: Gorilla me a hamburger
52. Knock knock Who’s there Amish Amish Who?
A: Awwww How sweet. I miss you too.
53. Knock, Knock! Who’s There? Dewey! Dewey who?
A: Dewey have to use a condom?
54. Knock Knock Who’s There? Ben Hur Ben Hur who?
A: Ben Hur over and give it to her doggy style!
55. Knock Knock Who’s There? Justin Justin who?
A: You’re Justin time to wipe my @$$ !
56. Knock Knock Who’s there! Ice cream ! Ice cream who ?
A: Ice cream if you don’t let me in!
57. Knock Knock Who’s there? Doris! Doris who?
A: Doris locked that’s why I am knocking!
58. Knock Knock. Who’s there? The guy who finished second.
A: The guy who finished second who? Exactly.
59. Knock knock! Who’s there? Yah! Yah who?
A: Naaah, bro, I prefer google.
60. Knock, Knock! Who’s There? Buster! Buster who?
A: Buster Cherry! Is your daughter home?
61. Knock Knock Who’s there? Orange Orange who?
A: Orange you going to answer the door?
62. Knock knock! Who’s there? Dwayne! Dwayne who?
A: Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning.
63. Knock Knock Who’s there? Alex! Alex who?
A: Alex the questions round here!
64. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Butch, Jimmy and Joe. Butch, Jimmy, and Joe Who?
A: Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let’s Joe.
65. Knock Knock Who’s there? Urine Urine Who?
A: URINEsecure don’t know what for.
66. Knock Knock Who’s there ! Waiter ! Waiter who ?
A: Waiter I get my hands on you!
67. Knock Knock Who’s there? Old lady Old lady who?
A: Wow I didn’t know you could yodel.
68. Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Dumbbell. Dumbbell who?
A: Dumbbell doesn’t work so I had to knock!
69. Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A: The scientists were brainstorming!
70. Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!
71. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.
72. Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment.
73. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
74. Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
A: Man, that hit the “spot.”
75. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it’s over your head!
76. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.
77. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
78. Q: What do you say when you lose a wii game?
A: I want a wii-match!
79. Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles
80. Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
81. Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
In the mainstream.
82. Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it!
83. Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
84. Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
85. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
86. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
87. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
88. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
89. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
90. Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t tuna fish.”
91. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
92. Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.
93. Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
94. Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
95. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
96. Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!
97. Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic
98. Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
99. Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.
100. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?