- How do all the oceans say hello to each other?
- What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
- What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
- What do elves learn in school?
- Why are seagulls called seagulls?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
- Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
- How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
- What do you call a fake noodle?
- Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
He was a little hoarse.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
- What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
- Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools!
- What did 0 say to 8?
- Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
- What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milk shake!
- Where do cows go for entertainment?
To the moo-vies!
- How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
Your head hits the ceiling!
- What do you call a cow with no legs?
- What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop!
- Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them!
- Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
- What do you call an alligator in a vest?
- Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
- What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
- Why did the teddy bear say “no” to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
- What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
- What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!
- Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
- What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
- How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
- What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
- What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
- What animal is always at a game of cricket?
- What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
- How does the moon cut his hair?
- How does a scientist freshen their breath?
- How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night!
- How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
They starts coffin.
- What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
- What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
- Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
The food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
- How do you make an octopus laugh?
- What did the nose say to the finger?
Stop picking on me!
- What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
- What do you call a dog magician?
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
He had no body to dance with.
- What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A little plaque.
- What do you call a funny mountain?
- What did the big flower say to the little flower?
- Why was the picture sent to prison?
It was framed.
- Where do rabbits go after they get married?
On a bunny-moon!
- What sound do hedgehogs make when they hug?
- Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
- What do you call an old snowman?
- Why didn’t the orange win the race?
It ran out of juice.
- What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
- What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.
- What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
- What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
- Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
- What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
- Why did the chicken get a penalty?
For fowl play.
- Where do you learn to make banana splits?
At sundae school.
- Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing.
- Where do hamburgers go to dance?
- What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space?
You have to planet.
- Why did the tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal.
- Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything!
- Why do moon rocks taste better than earth rocks?
Because they’re meteor.
- What kind of music do planets listen to?
- Why did the opera singer go sailing?
They wanted to hit the high Cs.
- When do doctors get angry?
When they run out of patients.
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case they got a hole in one.
- Why did the scientist take out their doorbell?
The wanted to win the no-bell prize.
- What did the calculator say to the maths student?
You can count on me.
- Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
It was too tired.
- What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look! No hands!
- Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.
- What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
- What do you call a blind dinosaur?
- What do you call two guys hanging on a window?
Kurt and Rod.
- How do you find Will Smith when he’s lost?
You just look for fresh prints.
- Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
Lack of concentration.
- What did one tonsil say to the other? Better get dressed.
The doctors’s taking us out tonight!
- Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
They woke him up.
- What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep?
- What do snowmen call their fancy annual dance?
- Why is it so windy inside an arena?
All those fans.
- What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park your car, man.
- Why should you never trust a pig with a secret?
Because it’s bound to squeal.
- What does a spider’s bride wear?
A webbing dress.
- Where do young cows eat lunch?
In the calf-ateria.
- What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
- What do birds give out on Halloween?